Ed’s Job

I’m worried about Ed’s job.

Either he’s going to be gone three days a week or he has to find a new job.

Finding a new job is hard.

Him being gone three days a week sounds just really shitty.

He was gone 9 days awhile back and it sucked.

I know that other people deal with shit worse than this so I should probably just stop whining about it, but I worry about what I would do/be like without him here all the time.  And how scared I would be at night. And how just…  I don’t know.  I don’t want to do anything stupid just because he’s not here.  I know that sounds horrible, and I should just be able to be totally faithful no matter what – but I don’t know myself well enough…  or maybe I know myself too well.  I’d have to make a concerted effort not to talk to The Ex-Boyfriend.  Maybe ever again.  Because… no.

And it’s not just that.  I don’t think either of us do well living separate lives.  Three days gone a week – we will have totally separate lives.  He will also be gone the night before for travel and wouldn’t get home until midnight or later the night he got home.  So he’d really only be home three days, losing an entire day with driving.

I just…


I just hope and pray that he gets a new job that will pay the bills soon.  Really soon.  Or just a phone call so I know that people are at least looking at his resume and I can feel a little less panicked about the whole thing.


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