I think I’ll go to the museum anyway.

Without you.

And imagine what it would have been like to be there with you.

I suppose that’s pathetic, eh?  I mean.  I know it’s pathetic.

But I’m pathetic now.

I try to pretend like I’m some strong person who has it all together but I’m not.

I feel self loathing and self doubt and sometimes I want to escape from here into nothing.  Go somewhere far away and just start over as someone else.  Somehow.

Why did everything have to end up like this?  What the hell happened?

I’m so…confused and sad and…

I don’t know what you’re feeling so I can only guess that being with me made you realize how much you truly love your wife and that’s good.  I’m happy for you.

Being with you helped me fall more deeply in love with Ed too.

Yet.

I still love YOU.

I still think of you I still want to be with you but more than any of that I still want you to want me.  Why…

Why don’t you want me?

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