I need to be outside.

I want to go camping.

Alone.

I know that’s folly – because going camping by yourself when you’re a chick is just asking for trouble in this culture, right?  Maybe in any culture.  Which is a shame.  Fuck that patriarchal rape culture bullshit that says I can’t enjoy the great outdoors by myself because some asshole will probably take that as an invitation.

Whatever.

I want to go on a long ass hike.  Just be by myself.

I feel like I’m missing out on so much life sitting on my ass in my bedroom watching television and just…whacking off, sometimes literally.  I’m so tired of just existing sometimes.

There was a time, not so long ago, when I felt like I was really truly living.  Do I need to go back to that?  But Thing 1 and Thing 2 weren’t so happy during that time – well…one of them was…but the other – not so much and so here I am.

I know that once they’re grown Ed and I are going to hit the road again.  I’m really excited about it.

The Ex.

I think about him a lot when I’m down and lonely and long for him…really long for him to do something – anything romantic.  I mean.  Seriously.  Just a phone call or flowers or a card or note in the mail would mean a shit ton.  Instead he just talks to me about how he wants me to bring another chick along the next time we’re together physically.  Gah.  Didn’t take him long to get bored with me, eh?  I don’t know why I’m still so into him.  He truly does, as my old bestie would say, treat me like shit.  I mean.  Really.  I feel like I’m all shameful and whore-like so I don’t deserve any better – but the fact is, I really do, you know?

I want to go camping with someone cool.

I wish there was someone cool around for me to go camping with.  I don’t want to go with the kids.  I know.  That makes me some kind of shitty parent.  But fuck all of you who think that.  I do the best I fucking can.

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