I have all these dreams about being super mom.

I make all these really neat plans in my head about what that looks like and sometimes I actually pick days on which to carry out these plans.

Then the day comes and I feel to tired to even get out of my bed and yeah.  I don’t know what to do with that.

Today I went to the neurologist to check out all the shit that might be going on with my brain and try to figure out the fatigue stuff.  I don’t know.  Headaches and fatigue and whatnot.  I feel so shitty much of the time.  I realize that I’m stressed to the max and this isn’t helping matters.  So there’s that.  But really – sigh now WordPress is being ridiculous about me being about to see what I’m typing.  I think I type lots of random shit but I don’t know what or why.  Sometimes my fingers just do strange things.

Today the ex talked to me for like five seconds about my appointment.  I know I just get on here and rant about him a lot, but that’s where I am right now and I shouldn’t have ot feel my stupid guilty feelings about my own blog.    I wish that I could better control things.  I realize that the Ex must be giving me sometihng – adding to my life somehow, because if he wasn’t then I wuldn’t have an issue with dropping him like a bqd habit.  And yet.  Here I am writing about him.

I do like that we both hae similar needs when it comes to communication and talking and processing externally.  I really wanted to talk to him last night because Ed just tends to sit there and not know what to say – and much as I love him this makes me nuts when I’m trying to process through something.

I’ve decided that fuck correcting all the errors that happen when I can’t actually see what I’m typing.  Pretty damn sure no one reads this blog anyway.  But.  Eh.  I’ve been surprised before.

Anyway – on top of all of this I just want to get better and feel less stressed and be able to have the life I envision instead of just, you know, envisioning it.

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